David Suchet has recently played Dracula. He is to play Robert Maxwell next week. Has he left the makeup on for the former whilst playing the latter, or is it deliberate? To be fair, Maxwell did bear a terrifying resemblance to the Prince of Darkness, albeit one that has gone to seed somewhat.
Total Film’s review of This Is England.
But times are changing and religious differences – militant Muslims, fundamental Christians, bigoted atheists – leave the country on the precipice of a worrying battle of intolerance.
Naturally I’d say this because it’s the side I’m on, but still - honestly, guys, we’re not the ones you need to worry about.
Apparently that’s how long it took to decide that unbaptised babies won’t be sent to limbo when they die, a decision reached because there’s ’serious grounds’ to believe they’ll go to heaven after all. Presumably where ’serious grounds’ = ‘we had a natter about it and it seemed a bit harsh’. (Sadly the online version of this report doesn’t have the paper’s photo of the Pope striding out to announce this in a manner more akin to Rocky entering the arena).
‘We cannot say we know with certainty what will happen to unbaptised children,’ said Father Dougal McGuire Paul McPartlan, sounding every inch like some superfluous admin bloke trying to justify his salary, ‘but we have good grounds to hope that God in his mercy and love looks after these children, and brings them to salvation.’
‘It took about ten minutes to make the decision, and then we went on the lash for three years,’ he didn’t go on to say.
The report added that baptism was the only way to remove original sin and urged all parents to baptise their babies.
Phew! Glad some solid, useful advice came out of it after all.
The Way It Should Be:
Religious doorknocker: We’re going door-to-door today, offering comfort to people who might have been affected by the massacre and are wondering why God allows things like this to happen. *seeing my confusion (I’m in the UK, and am wondering if something terrible has happened nearby between when I last saw the news and now)* The shootings in America?
Me: You bunch of fucking vultures, do you exploit every tragedy that gets a load of media coverage? People are dead and you see the opportunity to boost the flock numbers? Go on, get the fuck off my doorstep and don’t darken it again! [Edited for taste, I need to start reading things through]
The Sad Reality:
Religious doorknocker: We’re going door-to-door today, offering comfort to people who might have been affected by the massacre and are wondering why God allows things like this to happen. *seeing my confusion (I’m in the UK, and am wondering if something terrible has happened nearby between when I last saw the news and now)* The shootings in America?
Me: Sorry, you’re wasting your time, I’m an atheist.
Religious doorknocker: But don’t you think the world should be a better place?
Me: Yes, it would be nice if it was, but I don’t want to debate it. *closes door*
In my defence, I had a hangover. I’m sure a healthy dose of righteous fury wouldn’t have changed their minds in the slightest anyway, but I’ve resolved to give the next lot the blog attitude.
Not hard, that is it? You warn people that what you’re about to talk about involves spoilers, so if they don’t want to know what happens, they don’t read it. I’ll make sure, though - if you’ve not watched this week’s Doctor Who, stop reading.
Not that it’ll do you any good, mind you. I can deal with the preview clips that give away half the plot, and presumably calling the episode “Daleks in Manhatten” means they’re not going for the surprise reveal, but what can you do when you’re buying the paper of a Saturday morning and innocently turn round and find yourself eye to eye with the Radio Times, who are so determined to ruin the twist that they PUT THE FUCKING THING ON THE COVER?
Our cricket season starts next week. I intend to do a Sreesanth (see below) whenever I:
The Prestige: an excellent film (I just had a mad splurge on this, The Fly, Pan’s Labyrinth, and Talladega Nights - if you’re going to waste your student loan, you’ve got to do it right). However, I appear to be the only person (exception) who can see a terrifying resemblance between David Bowie’s rendition of Nikola Tesla and David Brent. Someone please tell me I’m not cracking up (seriously - yesterday I poured hot water and milk into a cup without adding the all important tea bag, then laid biology notes all over the floor, left the room, came back, saw them and ran over thinking the postman had been).
They avoided putting the comb and a pair of wings on a cartoon T Rex, but you’ve got to love the Mail’s headline - Proof That Fearsome T Rex Evolved Into a Chicken. Not sure about this, either:
The protein - responsible for giving skin its elasticity and bone its structure - is nowadays more readily associated with dinosaurs of the aging celebrity kind
But scientists were surprised to discover traces in a 68million-year-old fossilised T-rex thighbone - supporting the belief expounded by Charles Darwin in his influential On The Origin Of Species By Means Of Natural Selection published nearly 150 years ago.
Traces of a protein supported what now? Are they saying that Darwin suggested the dinosaur-bird connection in Origin of Species? That he postulated that collagen might crop up in something other than Mick Jagger’s face? Or is it that the thought process went “Dinosaur…evolution….that’s that Darwin chap, isn’t it?”?
Update: Awesome, the comments have started to roll in. This one’s good:
Just puts the ludicrous theory of evolution under the spotlight of ridicule! A T-Rex into a chicken?! Whatever next! - Anon, Essex
But this is just class:
Not surprising really, after all most labour polititians have turned into snakes - John Phillips, Derby
He’s not going to be distracted by talk of dinosaurs and chickens while Tony Blair’s still in number 10, by Christ - well played, Sir!
“Researchers compared the organic molecules from the T. rex with those of living animals, and found it was similar to chicken protein”
As cool as this is, I dread to think of the mocked up pictures that’ll crop up in the tabloids - it appears to be a rule that any mention of the dinosaur ancestry of birds has to be illustrated with a shot of the Jurassic Park velociraptors covered in feathers. A prize for any gags involving huge drumsticks, too.
“..two bullets were shot at the crocodile but it was unharmed..”
Not as gory as it might have been (but will still make you wince) - crocodile bites off vet’s arm
